So Sad

My birthday month just ended 11 minutes ago. Its February already. How time flies. 

Its been 6 months of knowing him. Tapi malam ni, malam yang paling sedih sepanjang kami kenal. Maybe bukan untuk dia, but for me. 

Selalu cakap kat diri sendiri, "jangan berharap, jangan berharap" tapi, hati perempuan, cepat sangat tersentuh kalau ada orang baik dengan dia. Lagi lagi kalau diberi harapan. Lagi lah kita berharap.

The way he treat me, the way our conversation goes. My heart melts everytime. What do I have to do :(

Tapi, tadi he said he want to share a story. A story yang I dont aspect to hear, and I wish it is not happening too. "Arranged Marriage". He said, his heart stop after hearing it, so do I. He said he is speechless, so do I. He said he is not ready, so do I. 

My heart dont even stops, but it hurts so bad. Im speechless and just pretend to be supportive. I am so not ready, yes I am, I not ready to leave you.

All the smiley faces that I gave was actually tears in reality. How am I going to face this. I should have avoid you since the beginning. Yes, there goes my tears again, pouring down my cheeks. I hope my face wont looked that swollen tomorrow.

Now I have to treat you as a friend. Not more. Its hard what can I do. I wanted to avoid, but I dont want you to go through this alone. At least I can make you smile just for a while. While I have the time. Nasib awak text, kalau awak call, you'll definitely listening to my awkward voice which end up with tears. Ada hikmah rupanya.

Yes now I realized, you seem that you're close, but you're actually so far away. so far away that finally I can't even see you. Yet, I'm so thankful that I've met you. walaupun sekejap. terima kasih.

So, I think, after this I shouldn't waste my life for one moment of eye contact or a heartbeat.  Focus in my own life. Jangan beria nak berharap sesuatu yang samar-samar. Ada jodoh, sampai waktu, ada lah :)

Thats all for now, bukan nak jiwang, cuma luahan hati taktau nak luah dekat siapa. 

Lotsa Amor,

Ribbon.